Leiter Reports: A Philosophy Blog

The wrong "Four Seasons"

This is too perfect a mistake by the monster-child's minions; if it weren't real, no one would find it plausible.

All politics is local

Back to Queens edition:

A 74-year-old Jamaica Estates developer has less than three months left at his current address after Americans overwhelmingly voted him out of the White House, the AP projected Saturday.

President Donald Trump, a Republican, lost his bid for reelection after a days-long vote count, becoming the 11th commander-in-chief to lose the presidency after a single four-year term and the first major-party candidate from Queens to twice lose the popular vote.

Effects of addictions

The *real* origin of Kenutcky Fried Chicken

How many languages does Werner Herzog speak?

This is hysterical.  He really doesn't like to speak French!

 

Drudge Report had only 1.4 million unique visitors in August

That detail is buried in this NYT story (the subject of the latter was obviously lifted from this blog!).  According to my public stat counter, this blog had a quarter-million unique visits in August (and that was coming off my July hiatus when I only posted a few times), and 300,000 last month.  In a typical year, there are several months with 360,000 to 400,000 unique visits.  Somehow it seems like I should be a lot richer given these numbers!

PGR haters are strangely self-unaware

Here is philosopher Udo  Schuklenk (Queen's/Canada) declaring that "no serious academic would...lend their time to" the PGR.

You can see a complete list of the several hundred "unserious" academics who "lend their time" to the PGR:  it includes Brian Skyrms, Anthony Appiah, Ernest Sosa, Penelope Maddy, Cristina Bicchieri, Paul Guyer, Timothy Williamson, John Hawthorne, Alex Byrne, Gregory Currie, Martha Nussbaum, Terence Irwin, Jennifer Lackey, Cheryl Misak, Calvin Normore, Ian Rumfitt, Carolina Sartorio, Susanna Siegel, Allen Wood:  "no serious academics"!

Columbia Marching Band trolls the NY Times

Amazing.  The NYT will come to regret running this story, I suspect.

Let's out-woke "the woke": from now on David Hume will be known as "40 George Square"

A propos this:

"As 40 George Square argues in the Treatise..."

"Kant was awoken from his dogmatic slumber by reading 40 George Square..."

"Did you know that 40 George Square was not opposed to slavery?"

"According to the 40 George Squarean theory of motivation..."

(Thanks to my colleague Agnes Callard for the idea.)

UPDATE:  Courtesy of Greg Spendlove on Twitter.

 

Julia Child's little known guide to preparing "Chat au vin"

You thought the crazed "wokerati" were familiar, didn't you?

Kim Kardashian meets Kierkegaard

Yikes.

(Thanks to David Zimmerman for the pointer.)

"The Hard Problem of Breakfast"

How does it emerge from bacon and eggs?  But it doesn't:  it's just token identical with them.  Indeed breakfast is multiply realized--it can even be identical with cold pizza eaten at the right time of day.

(Thanks to Peter Carruthers for the pointer.)

A young person gets the good news that "God is dead"

(Via Neil Sinhababu on Facebook.)

 

Diversity, Silicon Valley-style

And not just Silicon Valley, of course:

 

Ten more commandments found!

This is pretty funny.

It pays not to read the mail: a Paul Grice story

A propos this, philosopher Ian Rumfitt (Oxford) wrote to John Rapko and myself the following (which he kindly gave permission to share):

Your story about finding an unopened letter from Isaiah Berlin in one of Paul Grice's books reminded me of a tale told by a colleague of Grice's at St John's College Oxford in the 1960s.

UC Berkeley was keen to lure Grice from Oxford. In the manner of those days, they wrote a formal letter offering him a full professorship with a specified starting salary. Some weeks having elapsed without their having received a reply, they assumed that Grice had found the proffered salary insultingly low and wrote again, with a better proposal. Once more, they heard nothing, so they wrote a third time, offering him a *very* generous salary. This last letter happened to arrive shortly before Grice's six-monthly opening of his correspondence -- which is how HPG came to accept the third offer and move to California.

I don't know what the moral of the tale might be. Maybe: it doesn't always pay to open letters promptly.

Comparative policing: the case of Austria

Man fined for farting.

Works of philosophy summarized in one-syllable words

This game has been making the rounds on social media, and now many of the examples are collected here.  Many are quite good; the one on Nietzsche, however, is incompetent (makes me wonder whether the author actually read the book).

President of Harvard explains why the endowment can't help right now

OK, not really the President of Harvard.  But this is pretty funny.

(Thanks to Phil Gasper for the pointer.)

An important moral question

This "morality test" is making the rounds; Jerry Dworkin kindly sent me a copy.  Its author is unknown.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest.

THE SITUATION:

You are in Florida - Miami, to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.

THE TEST:

Suddenly you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris

You move closer.

Somehow the man looks familiar.

You suddenly realize who it is.

It's Donald J. Trump!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.

YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS:

You can save the life of Donald Trump or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful Republican men.

THE QUESTION:

"I Got You Babe," as read by Ayn Rand and Slavoj Zizek

Yes, I know you were waiting for this:

(Thanks to Dean Rowan for the pointer.)

 

T.B. Macaulay on moral philosophers

The 19th-century British historian and politician (and apologist for imperialism) remarked:

And, though quibbling about self-interest and motives, and objects of desire, and the greatest happiness of the greatest number, is but a poor employment for a grown man, it certainly hurts the health less than hard drinking and the fortune less than high play; it is not much more laughable than phrenology, and is immeasurably more humane than cock-fighting.

As philosopher Jerry Dworkin, who shared this with me, pointed out:   In cock fighting "you have to stop the fight when a cock is bleeding and helpless!"  So at least moral philosophy isn't that bad!

Why don't the British like Trump?

At last, an authoritative explanation:

Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem.  For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace....

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever.  I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman.

But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty....

And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface.

(Thanks to Clayton Agree for the pointer.)

Thoreau's revenge on literature professors during the pandemic

This is funny; an excerpt:

A few months ago, you were talking smack about my year in a cabin. Now you’re trapped in your condo in Yonkers or the backside of Amherst or wherever, and you’d trade it in a heartbeat for 150 square feet and a whole forest full of owls and frogs and shit....

Every damn fall, you tell your first-year Am Lit seminar that I’m completely full of shit. You stand there in your goddamned tweed jacket with the suede elbow patches, and tell the kids how my experiment in self-reliance was all just a sham. Then you angle your head just so, and say something snarky about “performative solitude” or “cabin porn.” And for the coup de grâce, you proclaim that I was never really alone at Walden Pond, because I had regular visitors.

Bitch, I disclosed my visitors — I wrote a whole damned chapter called “Visitors.” Can’t blame me if some debutante from Darien didn’t read it. And who’s entertaining visitors now? Not your quarantined ass.

Trump Library

"The Liar Tweets Tonight"

This is very funny:

(Thanks to Peter Carruthers for the pointer.)

 

"What's the deal with birds?"

Predatory journal publishes hoax ornithology article.  And it's not hard to tell it's a hoax:

Abstract

Many people wonder: what’s the deal with birds? This is a common query. Birds are pretty weird. I mean, they have feathers. WTF? Most other animals don’t have feathers. To investigate this issue, I looked at some birds. I looked at a woodpecker, a parrot, and a penguin. They were all pretty weird! In conclusion, we may never know the deal with birds, but further study is warranted.

Keywords:

birds, ornithology, behavior, phenotype, WTF, genomics, climate change

 

This article ought to finish this fake journal off for good.

(Thanks to Fritz Allhof for the pointer.)

Warmke on Manne

This is pretty apt, regarding Twitter's favorite feminist philosopher.

Another very funny Trump joke (from a couple of years ago, but still apt!)

MOVING TO FRONT FROM APRIL 4--UPDATED

After Donald Trump became US President he went on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he was on a tour of Jerusalem he suffered a heart attack and died. 

The undertaker told the American diplomats who were accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here in the Holy Land, for just $100.'

The American diplomats went into a corner and discussed this for a several minutes. They came back to the undertaker and told him they wanted the president shipped home.

The undertaker was puzzled and asked, 'Why would you spend $50,000  to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here, in the Holy Land, and you would spend only $100?'

The American diplomats replied, 'A long time ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take that risk.'

UPDATE:  Reader Felix Sadelli points out to me that this joke is clearly a variation on one told about Stalin in the old Soviet Union (you can find a version of it in Russia Dies Laughing: Jokes from Soviet Russia. Here's one version of it:

Trump models distancing...

...albeit not social distancing:

“As of today, I will be keeping a great distance between myself and anything I said about COVID-19 in the months of January, February, and March,” [Trump] said. “I will be staying at least six feet away from those statements, and probably more like ten thousand feet.”

(Thanks to Jerry Dworkin for the pointer.)

Signs of the times

"Don’t panic wash your hands a lot never leave your home don’t touch your face"

Helpful tips for surviving the pandemic (from a humorist at The New Yorker).

(Thanks to Jerry Dworkin for the pointer.)

Trump's Easter announcement

This is the best impersonation of the monster-child I've ever heard; it's also very funny.  I bet SNL snatches him up! 

UPDATE:  For those who can't see it on Twitter, here it is:

(Thanks to Alan White for the pointer.)

Italian mayors are fed up and letting their fellow citizens know

This funny video has been making the rounds--it's indicative, of course, of how serious the situation is.  We need more leaders like this!

The best anti-Trump joke yet

Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, Pope Francis and a ten-year-old schoolboy are on a plane, that is going down.  There are only four parachutes.

Trump declares, "I'm the smartest person in the U.S.A., the country needs me."  He grabs one and jumps.

Johnson declares, "Britain can't survive Brexit without me," as he grabs one and jumps.

The Pope declares, "More than a billion Catholics needs me," as he grabs one and jumps.

Merkel looks at the boy and says, "You take the last one, you have a whole life ahead of you."

The boys replies, "It's OK, there's two parachutes left, the smartest man in the U.S.A. took my backpack."

A public health message about the coronavirus "shitshow" and dangerous "dumbfuckery"

Courtesy of Australians:

 

The cover of "Abbey Road" redesigned for the era of social distancing

Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"...for teachers

(Thanks to John Tilley for the pointer.)

"Zoom," the song for the day (for teachers)

Courtesy of Fat Larry's Band.

(Thanks to philosopher Diane Michelfelder [Macalester] for the pointer.)

Message to toilet paper hoarders, from a friend in the UK

"I can’t comprehend this toilet paper stockpiling. I can’t improvise coffee, wine, and red meat but I can improvise toilet paper!"

On Twitter, Enzo Rossi (Amsterdam) notes this is especially true if one has a large philosophy library.

Protestants, Catholics, Jews in philosophy

Daniel Kaufman (Missouri State) comments.

"Teens for Mayor Pete"

This satirical site captures his vacuity well; an excerpt:

POLICIES:

Policies are vital to any candidate. In fact, policies are the cornerstone of a Democracy and Democracy is what makes America the country it is today.

Health Care

In the U.S. some have Health Care, while others do not. Some believe Health Care should be public, while others believe it should be private. That is their opinion, and opinions are one of the many things we are allowed to have.

Employment

Every year the number of Americans that are unemployed changes. Sometimes it is up, but other times... other times it is down. And that is a fact.

Climate Change

Climate change is a hotly debated Issue both in person and online. What do you think about Climate Change? Because, that is what I think too.

Bloomberg at the Las Vegas Democratic debate

I saw it with my own eyes!

In a demonstration of the high level of enthusiasm the former New York City mayor enjoys among the electorate, surging presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg was met with a standing ovation during the Democratic debate Wednesday as he promised to “rule you peasants with an iron fist.” “Kneel before me and tremble, you piteous wretches, for I am your new sovereign ruler and my will is infallible,” said Bloomberg, cutting into his rivals’ speaking time as his pledge to “vanquish my enemies and reward my supplicants” was met with thunderous applause by thousands of assembled audience members. “You peons, you mean as little to me as a clump of dirt to a mighty mountain, and I’ll step on the necks of every last one of you on my quest for greater and greater power. Gaze upon your new God and fear my capricious wrath.” At press time, the audience had broken out into chants of “Bloomberg! Bloomberg!” as armed guards emerged from the exits to indiscriminately beat them with batons.

Jokes aside, I'm amazed by the naivety of my academic friends who think that because Senator Warren sliced and diced Bloomberg in the debate that he's finished.  (I didn't watch the debate, just read the post-mortems.)   If only it worked that way...but it doesn't.

Battle of the New York "billionaires"

Trump v. Bloomberg.   Bloomberg does have the potential to make Trump apoplectic, since he's got many of the same New York verbal street-fighter instincts.  In terms of winning, I think the Sanders approach is ultimately better, which is to keep his eye on the ball (i.e,. the issues), instead of on the goofball.

Good news for unmarried fornicators in Virginia

You'll soon be legal!

Iowa caucus humor

As we await the pony express with the final results from Iowa, I thought I'd share this funny joke from a friend on Facebook:   "Just finished 62% of this novel and I'm so excited for Gatsby and Daisy."

Philosopher David Wallace (Pitt) vs. any random commenter on a philosophy blog

This image captures it!

Which currently fashionable philosophical view is the most preposterous?

Regarding my quip about panpsychism the other day, philosopher Mohan Matthen (Toronto) writes: "Goff anticipates your objection, which is the first listed in his SEP entry, under the title, 'Objections to Panpsychism: The Incredulous Stare.' I happen to think that the Incredulous Stare holds water though, because it’s beyond crazy to argue a priori for a contingent proposition, and beyond even that to argue that panpsychism is necessary."

"Beyond crazy" usually doesn't slow philosophers down, especially in the modern academy, where there are professional incentives to make sure every possible position in logical space is occupied.  The only way to settle this matter is with a poll, of course.  So please rank order these philosophical positions from most to least preposterous.

UPDATE:  Philosopher Michael Strevens (NYU) writes:   "I think that panpsychism is likely to come out looking much better if you let everything vote, not just people."   Good point!  Same goes for letting possible people in other possible worlds vote!

This sums up the latest melodrama involving the social parasites known as "the Royal Family"

Pretty funny too.