Parts of this interview are quite eye-opening; for example:
[I]t’s not that uncommon for people to tune me out completely in the way that people in a public setting tune ou[t nearby conversations. The result is that people often treat as empty the space that I occupy in a social situation. For example, they make eye contact with everyone else while their gaze merely passes over me or they fail to hear (literally) my contributions. This treatment is most noticeable when I’m trying to socialize with people who are all, for example, standing around chatting at a conference during a break. Often when a group of people are talking while standing, how they stand in relation to each other depends on the size of the group. A group of four people might be standing at the four corners of a rough square. If one person leaves, then the others temporarily remain standing where they are so that they appear to be standing at three corners of a square, with the fourth corner empty. If no one else comes to fill the space, they tend to move in closer to form a rough equilateral triangle.
I’ve been in situations, many times, in which I’m one of the four people standing roughly in a square formation and the other three people move inwards to form a rough equilateral triangle without my leaving. I’ve also had a (small) number of people bump into me while doing this. One normally expects that when two people are participants in the same conversation, they shouldn’t be bumping into each other unless an unusual thing occurs, such as one of them losing their balance while shifting position. This sort of interaction has been an element of my experience that people seem most resistant to accept, hence why I’m trying to precisely describe an instance that can’t be easily explained away.
Changing any of these behavior patterns means changing deeply ingrained social habits. The only advice that I can give about changing them is to try to remain consciously aware of unconscious habits if they’ve been pointed out to you, aware of barriers that some people may face to socializing, and aware of how much effort is realistically required to change unconscious habits. In the case of the above patterns in which people respond inappropriately to me and my contributions in various ways, a conscious effort to respond appropriately would presumably be required. And it may take a long time for any given person to change before such conscious effort would no longer be needed. In the case of my anxiety, there is actually a fairly standard practice that would be helpful. When someone is perceived as shy, it’s relatively common for other people to deliberately try to engage them by regularly asking them directly if they have any thoughts on what’s being discussed. This practice tends not to be extended to me. I assume that there are ableist reasons for this discrepancy which are associated with the subtle difference between my behaviour and the behaviour of someone who is shy.
I doubt "albeism" (which is ill-defined) illuminates much about this behavior, as opposed to ignorance and uncertainty. But perhaps calling attention to the phenomenon will help others be more self-conscious about how they interact with those with autism.
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