Philosopher Steve Hales (Bloomsburg) sends along this extremely funny parody, inspired by some recent discussion threads on this blog. Even if, like all parodies, it's perhaps a tad unfair, it still made me laught at loud, so my thanks to Professor Hales for permission to share:
Original post:
Before starting a career in philosophy, you should know that you will almost certainly be dead before you are 100.
Reply1: Stated so stridently, the poster’s claim is not true. Many people live to 100 and beyond, in large part due to their own lifestyle choices. The warning is too extreme; I’ve heard of several people who have lived past 100.
Reply2: The whole issue is an empirical one. Or, rather, there are several, related, empirical questions here. It is irresponsible to adopt an age position prior to the relevant studies.
Reply3: The poster ignores the vital gender gap in longevity—women live considerably longer than men, and nearly all centenarians are women.
Reply4: I’m offended by the implicit assumptions made about women in the previous post. The only reason women live longer than men is that men gorge themselves on all the world’s resources and then die from overconsumption. If men only stopped oppressing women, then men would live longer as well.
Reply5: The poster fails to take into account the fact that many people would choose not to live anywhere near 100. The poster’s snide, pro-age bias clearly reflects a failure to realize how many people live lives of suffering that make their lives not worth living, especially to extreme old age.
Reply6: Has the poster ever reflected on the fact that only tenured faculty are likely to have the security and health benefits to live to 100? Think about the poor itinerant adjuncts once in awhile.
Reply7: These short lifespans are an embarrassment to the profession. Can’t the APA do anything about it?
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