It's tough to get a good Roman meal these days

From the famed cookbook of Apicius, the proposed menu for a banquet:

APPETIZERS

Jellyfish and eggs; sow's udders stuffed with salted sea urchins; patina of brains cooked with milk and eggs; boiled tree fungi with peppered fish-fat sauce; sea urchins with spices, honey, oil and egg sauce

MAIN COURSES

Fallow deer roasted with onion sauce, rue, Jericho dates, raisins, oil and honey; boiled ostrich with sweet sauce; turtle dove boiled in its feathers; roast parrot; dormice stuffed with pork and pine kernels; ham boiled with figs and bay leaves, rubbed with honey, baked in pastry crust; flamingo bioled with dates.

DESSERTS

Fricassee of roses with pastry; stoned dates stuffed with nuts and pine kernels, fried in honey; hot African sweet-wine cakes, with honey.

Really, it is awfully hard to get good boiled ostrich in sweet sauce these days, not to mention decent tree fungi, boiled or not.