The GOP Convention Program is the work of Amy and Leonard Peikoff; the Democratic Convention Program, which follows, has been circulating among Republicans, but I don't know the author. Both are amusing (especially the first!), and I thank Professor Peikoff for calling them to my attention.
OFFICIAL 2004 GOP CONVENTION PROGRAM
6:00pm - Opening Ecumenical Reading from the Koran.
6:30pm – Rally: Celebrating Iraqi Gratitude.
6:40pm – John Ashcroft Leads us in Prayer.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to Iran.
7:10pm (prime time) – Bush presents his compassionate side.
7:20pm – John Ashcroft Leads us in Prayer
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Saudi Arabia.
7:45pm – Rally: Celebrating Iraqi Enlightenment
8:00pm – Panel on Osama: One Man is Not Important
8:25pm - John Ashcroft Leads us in Prayer.
8:30pm – Panel on Saddam: We Got Him!
8:45pm — Rally: Celebrating China’s Honesty
9:00pm – Game time: Where’s Waldo’s Tax Cut?
9:30pm - * Intermission *
10:00pm – Koran Ecumenical Reading no. 2.
10:14:30 pm – Recounting of Bush’s Military Exploits.
10:15pm - Cameo by the Governator
10:30pm – John Ashcroft leads us in Prayer.
10:45pm – Panel: “Warrant Schmarrant: Why Security Requires Sacrifice”.
11:00pm – Panel: Turning the Other Cheek in Falluja.
11:15pm – Bush presents his conservative side
11:20pm – Highlights from “The Passion of Christ.”
11:29pm — A moment of silence for stem cells slaughtered in the last year
11:30pm – Panel: Why Human Life is Already Long Enough
11:45pm — Contest: Create a Cabinet-Level Department!
11:59pm – John Ashcroft Leads us in Prayer.
12:00am - Nomination of Republican candidate.
OFFICIAL 2004 DNC CONVENTION PROGRAM
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:20pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:00pm - John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony.
9:30pm - * Intermission *
10:00pm - Flag burning ceremony no. 2.
10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm - Double gay marriage ceremony.
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:20pm - John Kerry presents the other side of the issues
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate.
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