Christmas Cancelled as a Security Measure

Christmas Cancelled as Security Measure

by Austin Pastor Jim Rigby

(Ellis Island) The three wise men were arrested today attempting to enter the country. The Iraqi nationals were carrying massive amounts of flammable substances known as "frankincense" and "myrrh." While not explosives themselves, experts revealed that these two substances could be used as a fuse to detonate a larger bomb. The three alleged terrorists were also carrying gold, presumably to finance the rest of their mission.

Also implicated in the plot were two Palestinians named Joseph and Mary.
An anonymous source close to the family overheard Mary bragging that
her son would "bring down the mighty from their thrones and lift up the
lowly." In an obvious assault on law and order, the couple claims their
son will someday "help prisoners escape captivity."

"These people match our terrorist profile perfectly," an official source reported. "They dress different, they talk different, and they come
from nations that have resources we want."

All of the suspects claimed they heard angels singing of a new era of
hope for the afflicted and poor. As one Wall Street official put it, "These
one world wackos are talking about overturning the entire economic and
political hierarchy that holds the civilized world together. I dont care
what some angel sang; God wants the status quo -by definition."

A somber White House press secretary announced that it might be prudent
to cancel Christmas until others in the plot are rounded up. "I assure you
that this measure is temporary. The President loves Christmas as much
as anyone. People can still shop and give expensive gifts, but were asking
them not to think about world peace until after we have rid the world of
evil people. For Americans to sing, peace on earth, good will to all, is
just the wrong message to send to our enemies at this time."

The strongest opponents of the Christmas ban were the representatives
of retail stores, movie chains and makers of porcelain Christmas figurines. "This is a tempest in a teapot," fumed one unnamed
business owner. "No one thinks of the political meaning of Christmas any more.
Christmas isnt about a savior who will bring hope to the outcasts of the world; its about nativity scenes and beautiful lights. History has shown that mature
people are perfectly capable of singing hymns about world peace while still
supporting whatever war our leaders deem necessary. People long ago
stopped tying religion to the real events in the world."

There has been no word on where the suspects are being kept, or when
their trial might be held. Authorities are asking citizens who see other
foreigners resembling nativity scene figures to contact the Office of Homeland Security.